I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
