Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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