I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
