Don't you send me to vm
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
