Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
