elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
