i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why do cheetos always look like penises
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
