The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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