So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
