so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
