the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
