I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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