he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
