very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
