May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
