Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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