Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
