Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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