new low.... made out with someone while peeing
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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