Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
