life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
