So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
