this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
