Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
