just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
