I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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