I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
