I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
