It's Friday. Sex?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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