I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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