Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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