I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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