You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
