We're like a lot better than the average bears
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
