i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
