i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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