He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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