It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
