I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
