i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
