can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
