Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
