Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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