Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
