you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
