You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
