i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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