Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
