There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
