forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
