You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
