I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
