mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
