then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
